New MSF rules address bathing, affection and nudity in families, Latest Singapore News

It is inappropriate for parents to bathe their opposite-sex children regularly, even though they can do it independently.

This is contained in a new set of guidelines produced by the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) and KidStart, which outline appropriate boundaries between parents and children for daycare in areas such as expressions of affection, privacy and toileting.

For example, it is also considered inappropriate to force a child to show physical affection to someone he or she is uncomfortable with.

Officials have created “guidelines for healthy family boundaries” as a tool for professionals in the early childhood, education, social work and health sectors to coach parents on setting healthy boundaries and practices.

KidStart, a nonprofit organization, specializes in supporting families in early childhood development.

This is the first practitioner guide in Singapore to offer clear advice on healthy family boundaries, according to a presentation by MSF staff at the Asian Family Conference in November.

Minister of State for Social and Family Development Sun Xueling announced the guidelines at the conference on November 7.

MSF Child Protection Service senior social worker Ms Yogeswari Munisamy told The Straits Times there was concern that inappropriate boundaries within the family could, in some cases, escalate into abusive behavior over time.

“The Child Protection Agency accepts this risk based on the cases it encounters. “When family boundaries become blurred (often unintentionally) situations can arise where children are vulnerable to harm,” he said.

Research has shown that violating such boundaries can cause confusion and distress in the child, which can normalize inappropriate behavior and increase the risk of abuse.

The guidelines come in the wake of rising cases of child abuse, as detailed in MSF’s Domestic Violence Trends report published in September.

The number of new Tier 1 child abuse cases, defined as those of low to moderate safety and risk concern, increased 17 percent from 2,377 in 2021 to 2,787 in 2023.

However, the number of new Tier 2, or high-risk, cases decreased slightly from 2,141 in 2021 to 2,011 in 2023.

Some examples of healthy boundary guidelines include:

It is not appropriate for parents to force their children to hug or kiss someone they are afraid of or uncomfortable with.

Instead, respect the child’s right to say “no” to physical affection. This teaches children autonomy and gives them the power to set personal boundaries.

If the child can bathe independently, it is not appropriate for parents to bathe the child of the opposite sex or bathe him/her regularly with the child.

Encourage the child to bathe independently as soon as possible. If the child needs help, it is more appropriate for a parent of the same gender to help or supervise the child until the early years of primary school.

It is considered inappropriate behavior for parents to show their naked bodies to their children, even unintentionally.

Parents should avoid changing in front of their child once the child reaches primary school or adolescence, whichever is sooner. Caregivers of the opposite sex should also avoid changing clothes in front of their children.

Ms Yogeswari said: “The guidance is meant for professionals to use with all parents as part of a wider preventative effort to support positive child outcomes.

“However, their application is tailored to each family’s unique circumstances, such as the child’s age and developmental needs, ensuring they are appropriate and practical for a variety of parenting situations.”

Ms. Yogeswari cited some examples of unintentional boundary violations that the Child Protective Service has encountered.

For example, a parent may constantly pressure their child to hug or kiss someone, even though the child is clearly uncomfortable.

Ms Yogeswari added: “While this may initially seem trivial, it can condition the child to minimize how they feel in threatening or risky situations and make them more susceptible to harm in other contexts.”

Ms Nawal Adam Koay, deputy director of the Singapore Children’s Association, said that in her line of work, she had encountered boundaries being crossed in families.

This includes teenagers sleeping in the same bed as their adult caregivers, or children accidentally seeing their parents’ sexual interactions due to their “limited living space,” he said.

Ms Tan Yi Lin, center leader at Pre-School By-The-Park, said parents were often unsure of when they should stop bathing their opposite-sex children or stop bathing with their children. He said that such practices are mostly done for convenience reasons or because the limits of privacy are unknown.

Ms Nawal said: “As parenting practices and family norms are still considered private and domestic matters, it is very useful to have specific guidelines for carers on what is considered inappropriate behaviour.

“These guidelines engage parents and caregivers about safe and healthy boundaries while also serving as a helpful conversation starter for professionals helping their children develop independent living skills.”

Ms Tan added that red flags in the guidelines help professionals identify potential risks or concerning behavior and serve as a “vital tool for intervention and prevention”.

Darius Lee, 36, who has a two-year-old son and a newborn daughter, said the rules were a good reminder of the boundaries he should respect in his interactions with his children.

For the guidelines to be implemented effectively, parents also need to feel their views and practices are respected, he said.

Mr Lee, chief executive of the not-for-profit organization Cultivate SG, said: “Some people may feel judged for their parenting practices, so sensitivity and respect is needed when communicating the rules to the target audience.”