We ask Eric: A woman can bring her barking dogs to her mother-in-law's house... provided she accepts his training advice

DEAR ERIC: My aunt, whom I have loved and known since she was a child, recently bought two little “doodle” dogs. He brought them with him for an overnight visit over the weekend.

They barked at even the slightest sound; such as a person entering a room, a door opening and closing. My sister-in-law’s response to her dogs was ineffective.

My weekend with their dogs had me worried and it was hard for me to enjoy my visitors.

It was worse for me to tolerate, as I have experience both professionally (with children) and personally (with dogs) in analyzing and modifying behavior problems. It’s easy for me to see what reinforces dogs’ behavior.

My dilemma is this: Should I not let her bring her dogs to the next visit, or should I not let her teach her how to handle dogs’ behavior by making a visit that includes bringing the dogs, depending on my sister-in-law? He doesn’t seem bothered by the relentless barking and barking.

– Dog is Tired

DEAR TIRED: Although your experience is with children and dogs, the behavior you want to change most seems to be your adult sister-in-law’s behavior. This will create a problem.

It’s okay to tell him that the dogs were making too much noise last time and ask him to leave them behind on the next visit. This, of course, makes the visit less welcoming as he will need to find a suitable dog sitter. And he may choose to stay at home. If you accept that possibility and aren’t going to get mad at him for it, great.

It’s also okay if you offer to teach them a better way to care for their dog. But are you making this a prerequisite for spending time with you? I can’t see how this wouldn’t cause resentment.

You have a long and loving relationship. You can tell him that dogs tickle your nerves and that you can give him some tips if he’s receptive to them. Lots of defamatory behavior is no reason to fuel a feud. Talk to him/her without judgment. Offer help, but accept “no, thank you” if that’s the answer.

Communicating clearly without trying to control her will make it easier to plan the next date. And this gives him the power to consider your feelings as well as his own.

(Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at: [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at: rericthomas.com.)