We ask Eric: He made some tense requests after reconnecting with the cousin he was once close to

DEAR ERIC: After being out of touch for several years, I reconnected with a cousin with whom I was once close. I met her and her granddaughter “Mia” when she visited my area recently.

My cousin told me about the financial difficulties this sweet young man was experiencing. My friend funds most of Mia’s extracurricular activities and clothes.

About a month later, I received a text message from Mia asking if I could buy a pair of sneakers for the upcoming soccer camp. Surprised, I contacted my cousin about his request. It “reminded” me that I offered to help my cousin Mia. I didn’t mean financially!

But since he was a really sweet boy, I offered to help buy his sneakers. Unfortunately, Mia wanted extremely expensive sneakers that I wouldn’t buy for my own grandson. When I mentioned this to my cousin, she said: “Mia is very picky and wants what she wants.”

Since I wasn’t very happy with this answer, I asked Mia to choose a shoe within a certain price range. He apologized and sent other options in this range. After receiving them, Mia sent numerous thank you messages and then invited me to join her on a 10-day vacation she and my cousin were planning. I did not respond because the invitation did not come from my cousin.

I’m angry and feel like I’ve been cornered because my cousin Mia called for help and I never heard from her. Should I tell my cousin how I feel or cut ties completely?

– Feeling Used

DEAR USED EMOTION: Even though your cousin put Mia in an awkward, even inappropriate situation, the teenager did a good job of responding to your boundaries, expressing gratitude for your generosity, and taking a step to continue building a non-interactive relationship.

Indeed, this young cousin of yours did everything he was supposed to do. His cousin may be coaching him on this, but the first step should have been for your cousin to reach out to clarify the parameters of the help you’re offering. Not doing this will put you and Mia in a difficult situation.

Let your cousin know how you feel. There’s no use simmering quietly. And consider responding to Mia’s message, even if it’s “thanks but no thanks.” Despite your cousin’s failure, the two of you had been good at communicating so far.

(Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at: [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at: rericthomas.com.)